Har har har har har.
I dropped the Elementary Education component of my degree. I’m now just English.
Part of that was due to the fact that student observing kind of broke my heart because I was witnessing creativity and the opportunity for educational flourishing being stomped out because the school curriculum only cares about teaching to the standardized testing.
And this was in a first grade class room.
The teacher herself was great, but I became so disheartened over how difficult the American school system makes it to make learning fun. The amount of times I had to watch a 6 year old be told to sit down quite honestly did something only slightly less than break my heart. 6 year olds aren’t meant to fucking sit down! And again, I’m not blaming the teacher — she had a curriculum to teach on time, or suffer the occupational consequences.
So part of it was that experience and the other part was that yes, ha ha ha, I think maybe I would like to possibly try something akin to writing something sort of, kind of funny for a living and I fucking hate admitting that because goals and dreams and all that fucking glitter shit are so fucking lame and embarrassing and most people fail and are left embarrassed and lame in a woman’s homeless shelter.
I’m generally okay, but every day, for about 5 to 10 minutes, I want to throw up everywhere (I wish I would because bulimia would cancel out the egg nog I had tonight).
I’m giving myself until 30, and then I’m going to go back for my ElEd degree. That’s a safety net with a time line, and as long as I realize I have it in my back pocket, I think maybe I’ll be able to put myself out there and really try at something. Because I never really try at anything.
I just have to reblog something from Caragh Poh. I can definitely relate to goals and dreams being lame and embarrassing and the difficulty in admitting to yourself that you’re actually going to try to achieve them. I need a safety net too, I just don’t know what it is yet…
